So now I am working on my resume for time to move on with my career has arrived… But as I type another thought has arrived… Due to excessive stress/ work/ brainwashing… I’ve realized that my conversational range has shrunk to near zero… I.e. I can talk about very few topics… sports as always… though less than before… booze and drugs… for one always keeps the dearest the closest to the heart… bad weather… for something must be said of being stuck for twenty floors in an elevator with a bozo you cant stand so bad that standing there silent is just unacceptable… and finally… work… how so and so did this or that and how its all really retarded and my karmic signs are really out of place there and that shit… I’ve been talking about this shit for over a year now…
Whatever happened to the smart, civil, witty, cultured me… no longer can I opine on modern topics of importance… such as lesbian rights to reproduce and bear children… no longer am I an ardent advocate of political change – fuck them all… no longer am I madly obsessed with philosophy of our times – screw them, let them all rot in consumerist hell… and no longer I root mindlessly for a bunch of mindless jocks playing an equally mindless sport… somehow it all receded to the nether regions of my brain I call my not so near past… and there it resides… only for me to reach back on those whistful rainy Sunday afternoons… to the equally rainy Sunday afternoons my junior year in Binghamton… when like a bored and mindless degenerate that I surely must have been… I would make my way, every Sunday afternoon, to the Sports Bar… to watch my miserable and beloved Jets lose game after game after game to reach the now hallowed record of 1-15…. And why did I have to go watch those games.. even when all hope was lost and gone… why did I have to drink those beers and eat those wings? Perhaps bored idiot’s hope springs eternal… lack of vision… misunderstanding of the term loyalty… anyway… the point I am getting to.. is the more I think back… the more i realize that I’ve wasted quite a healthy portion of my life on worthless and idiotic pursuits… such as gainful employment when I needed none… such as trusted friends when they certainly were not… such as empty days and nights, spent in front of a television with a pipe in hand… or to be honest… not even that much… just an empty, bored grin…
Yes… I am getting old… and lamenting loss of time… and the question I am coming to is am I wasting my time now… will I look at these days with a bemused smirk and shake my head…. When I am over 40… sitting on some suburban train… at six thirty in the morning… dressed like a modern ape in a freshly pressed suit and an over priced tie… on my way to a job that I despise to do work that I find meaningless and to make money for people I feel are worthless…. Now if this aint a real nugget for the evening… I don’t know what is….
Disclaimer: this was written while sipping on a heavy potion of night time thera-flu… so misery and melancholy expressed in the above paragraphs might be the direct result of the headache currently creeping around my head, as well as all in all bitterness about my life that overcomes me in time of illness or any other minor inconvenience…
Whatever happened to the smart, civil, witty, cultured me… no longer can I opine on modern topics of importance… such as lesbian rights to reproduce and bear children… no longer am I an ardent advocate of political change – fuck them all… no longer am I madly obsessed with philosophy of our times – screw them, let them all rot in consumerist hell… and no longer I root mindlessly for a bunch of mindless jocks playing an equally mindless sport… somehow it all receded to the nether regions of my brain I call my not so near past… and there it resides… only for me to reach back on those whistful rainy Sunday afternoons… to the equally rainy Sunday afternoons my junior year in Binghamton… when like a bored and mindless degenerate that I surely must have been… I would make my way, every Sunday afternoon, to the Sports Bar… to watch my miserable and beloved Jets lose game after game after game to reach the now hallowed record of 1-15…. And why did I have to go watch those games.. even when all hope was lost and gone… why did I have to drink those beers and eat those wings? Perhaps bored idiot’s hope springs eternal… lack of vision… misunderstanding of the term loyalty… anyway… the point I am getting to.. is the more I think back… the more i realize that I’ve wasted quite a healthy portion of my life on worthless and idiotic pursuits… such as gainful employment when I needed none… such as trusted friends when they certainly were not… such as empty days and nights, spent in front of a television with a pipe in hand… or to be honest… not even that much… just an empty, bored grin…
Yes… I am getting old… and lamenting loss of time… and the question I am coming to is am I wasting my time now… will I look at these days with a bemused smirk and shake my head…. When I am over 40… sitting on some suburban train… at six thirty in the morning… dressed like a modern ape in a freshly pressed suit and an over priced tie… on my way to a job that I despise to do work that I find meaningless and to make money for people I feel are worthless…. Now if this aint a real nugget for the evening… I don’t know what is….
Disclaimer: this was written while sipping on a heavy potion of night time thera-flu… so misery and melancholy expressed in the above paragraphs might be the direct result of the headache currently creeping around my head, as well as all in all bitterness about my life that overcomes me in time of illness or any other minor inconvenience…
1 comment:
hey! friend of magnus's.
this is a very sad post.
life is wonderful - i don't mean to sound motivational-speaker-esque - but it is.
you need to lie in bed and look out your window at the full moon.
and please change jobs.
(ok - so that's my two cents)
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