so here i am on a fine pesach evening in my fine and yellowish east village apartment... i am contemplating my life and my future and what i shall do with myself...
just as a little background, i am a finely compensated profressional in the world of finance... making a pittance of a penny to those around me but probably a healthy dose more than your average American... and if we start, for comparison purposes, counting the rest of the world - i can be justifiably called an overpaid and highly worthless bastard...
the question before me is of course quite natural... for all the negative connotations with being an overpaid and highly worthless bastard, things are not so bad... i recently discovered that i've developed a habit, totally without design, of eating at fine dining establishments with modern decor, obeisant maitre'd and successful looking people all around me... note i didnt say good looking... i am not sure if i qualify in either the latter or the former category... but i think i reached the stage in my life where i just might have enough money.... or to be clear, and to speak in fine Economics class jargon, i've reached a state of equilibrium.... fact of the matter is i dont really want to make less than what i make now.... for i am used to the amenities of the fine life i am leading... that being not having to count my pennies... and doing what i please, when i please... with this in mind, please note that this does not mean that i am rich or anything, just that what i make seems to meet my overall 'fiscal' needs... so i am not leasing a jet and buzzing off to vail anytime soon.... but i could book an economy class ticket to sun city and be off skiing 2 days from now... so thats where i stand...
and fact of the matter, and addition $x will probably make only a marginal difference in my life... by that i mean that i will find some completely extraneous way to spend the extra money without actually deriving any 'utility' out of it.... note the continued Economics speak here...so end of all ends, what will make a real difference is making a boat load of money... so i can maybe not so much rent a jet but more like totally do what i please, when i please... and this means not having to work for the Man... but truth of the matter is that the likelihood of such an event, in the near term at least is quite low.... for i am probably not winning the lottery.... primary reason being that i dont play it... and i might get a nice pay raise one of these days... but not that nice...
so anyway... i dont know where i am going with this... i think the point is that money is OK... head and heart are not... decision before me is to whether to step away from the fine world of finance and the suits and the ties and corporate offices and pleasant conversations that i oh so admire... and do something a little bit more interesting... that say could involve travel or creativity or talking something more or less relevant of the world around me (that being not $$$ related.. at least so bloody explicitly).... or to continue in my obedient ways towards paycheck, promotion and perhaps one day, if i bow just right, vice presidential glory at a financial institution near you...
thus is the summary... or at least the rambling summary of my state of mind on the evening of april the 3rd... the second night of pesach in the year 2007.... comparing myself to a crazed jew in the desert would seem very poetic and appropriate, but really not quite right given my afore mentioned penchant for fine living...
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